"Sisters, not enemies!" The Importance of Women's Circles

A few days ago I stared into the eyes of a woman, who had just finished round three of dishing out insults and prickly remarks straight into my face, while I sat there, with my large 6-month pregnant belly, my inner dialogue raging on about whether I should snap back and dish out some of my yummy insult-fueled minestrone or "be the bigger woman" and respond calmly (while still beating her up in my head). For most of the conversation, if we can call it that, I chose the latter, or at least I believe I had - it's difficult to stay present in the mind when your whole body is shaking with rage, shock and disbelief.

Arguments have never been my forte, and while some take delight in asserting themselves unapologetically, I usually end up feeling rude and out of control, instantly regretting my emotion-fueled outbursts. It takes me days, weeks, hell, sometimes even years to release all the emotional post-argument residue out of my body and mind. I go into shut-down mode and struggle with intense anger that's left after "being the bigger person" and staying calm, while, really, all I'm doing is swallowing all the insults and fire that I soooo very much want to throw back at the person attacking me.

And that takes its toll.

As these past few days have passed since my last argument with another woman (I cannot recall the last time I had such a volatile exchange with another person), I can safely say I went through my "argument-detox" process, as detailed below;

1. Get really angry and rant about the woman to my closest people,

2. Be in complete disbelief, shock, while you pity her and try to justify her actions by psychoanalysing her childhood trauma,

3. Unable to sleep while you replay your responses and how you could've served her some kick-ass comebacks (how TF couldn't I come up with those when it actually mattered?!)

4. Working through the tension and stress left in the body (unsuccessfully),

5. Allowing rage to surface, while getting scared of how much hatred I'm capable of feeling,

6. Breaking down and crying about it during lovemaking or other unsuitable activities (yes, my husband truly is as patient and understanding as a saint),

and finally,

7. Feeling absolutely heartbroken that there can be so much nastiness, hatred and ill-wishes between two women.

I cannot say I can recall much of what was going through my mind during that fight, as it was just pure chaos, shock and panic, which completely threw my nervous system off-balance for days, but one inner sentence kept popping up, so strongly, so clearly;

" This is why women's circles are so important."

Because that's where I see it most, still, to this (very modern) day and age - women turning on their sisters out of fear, competition, past hurts,... And it truly breaks my heart. Women, who can be so powerful when we stand together as sisters, yet so destructive when we turn against eachother.

And, yes, do not underestimate the wrath of a woman scorned - I have seen (and felt!) such venomous hatred that women can hold and yield against one another that it makes battles of men throughout history look like children's games at the playground.

A woman scorned doesn't flinch as she goes in for the kill, be it literally or just in her mind. Sometimes, even worse than being killed, in my eyes, is being cursed energetically by a woman. These curses can truly turn your life into a living hell.

Yes, women are powerful with their intentions, thoughts, persuasiveness, attractiveness, their magic. When they learn to yield such powers with responsibility and towards lifting other women up instead of putting them down, they can create pure heaven on Earth.

Women's Circle

I remember so vividly going in for the kill, determined to win the argument, as I looked her in the eyes, staring with hatred from underneath my sunglasses, trying to intimidate her with my threatening mama-bear presence, until something inside of me clicked and snapped me out of this volatile energy immediately.

Sadness filled my eyes instantly.

"Why can't we just be sisters, kind and respectful towards each other?" I thought to myself.

And the sadness pressed down even heavier in my chest when I thought of the vast majority of women out there in the world, who have never seen another woman as their sister, as someone they can trust, someone who will stay loyal to them no matter what.

It is exactly this vast majority of women in the world who see other women as competition, who are kind to each other's faces, but hide shiny knives behind their backs, waiting for the other to turn away to attack.

Women, in the majority, feel threatened by women. They call eachother sisters and queens, but flutter their eyelids at her sister's man, while secretly wishing for her to get fat and ugly.

This is where I realised, right in the middle of that argument, that I cannot live in such a world anymore. And while my heart, despite the recent visit back to Hatredville, is broken by these facts of life and the recent argument, I remain hopeful when I think about my sisters from all the women's circles that I have attended around the world.

Yes, we have our discrepancies, and yes, we can get "bitchy", but it's the mutual respect that gets us through our misunderstandings.

It's the trust and the knowing that no matter who she is, how much I like or don't like her, she is my sister, and we MUST STAND UNITED.

In women's circles, most women can drop their masks, their defense and survival mechanisms, and when she reveals herself in all her chaos and glory, when she reveals who she truly is, you realise she's just like you; she's afraid you're better than her, she's afraid of her man falling for someone else, she is doubtful of her abilities as a mother, she is critical towards her belly fat and absolutely petrified of bearing her true, vulnerable self so open in front of you.

Now, how can you hate her? How can you hate that little girl, crying for help, inside of her?

We are here to walk each other home. To spot our wounds and all the mechanisms that keep us from truly connecting as women and work through them within communal settings. Women's circles are the perfect base for such development. They are the revolution we, as women, have been waiting for. A safe, confidential space of truest and deepest connections. And sometimes you won't even remember that new girl's name, but after just one circle, you will get to know her purest essence and the very depths of her soul.

And that, to me, is insanely beautiful. A world like that, I can sign up for. :)

So, sister, love and respect your sisters - for we are birthing a new world.

Whole lotta love,

Spela